Kindergarten, Here She Comes!

Six years ago, we wondered how our NICU experience would affect our first born.  It's hard for me to remember those days when seizures wrecked her tiny little body and we prayed for her to be healed so we could finally take her home.  But when I look at her now, I stand in awe, amazed at how far she has come and at the tender heart and sweet spirit God has given her.  Today she starts Kindergarten and I already know that she is going to rock it, because there is nothing that will stop this girl.  I'm so proud and grateful for her. 

Throwback Thursday Stories: The Day I Became A Mommy

 Birth Day: July 24, 2008

 One year old

 Two years old

 Three years old

Four years old

Five years old

Six years old 

Six years ago today, our little drama princess made her grand entrance into the world...two weeks overdue and following a very long and difficult labor.  What we expected to be the happiest day of our lives was very nearly the worst.  I am still trying to wrap my mind around how far we've come from that day...and how six years can go by in the blink of an eye. 

She is the daughter I've always wanted and in so many ways she is my mini me.  She feels everything deep and wide and perceives more than just the surface.  She notices body language and emotions written behind weary or tear stained eyes and often sees straight to your heart.  She understands far more than we often expect and has such a tender and compassionate heart for others. 

Sometimes I wonder who is learning and growing more, because the way she faces her fears head on and dances and sings through life no matter how dark the day challenges me so often to choose gratitude in the middle of the biggest storms of life.  There are few things more precious than being a mommy...and I'm so grateful for that day six years ago that brought her here in our arms. 

***

Since our old xanga blog is in need of upgrading and I don't have the time or energy (or money) to do so, I thought I'd share the post my husband wrote right after she was born as well as the words I shared later on that day, both for my own memory keeping and for those who haven't heard her story before.  I'm warning you, though - it might cause unexpected tears, because these are hard memories to read about and remember...but they are still part of the beautiful story God has written for our firstborn. 

***

She's Here!

(Ted's post, written just hours after her birth)

Steph and I went to the hospital at 6:30 Wednesday morning and her doctor induced her. At about 12:30, things weren't moving too fast, so they broke her water. She started getting stronger contractions, and by evening, they were getting VERY strong.  Stephanie had wanted all along to have a more natural birth, with no pain medications.  That turned out not to be realistic around 8:15, so she requested an epidural.  The risks to baby and mother seemed very minor to me, so I was happy to see her get rid of some pain.  She was still moving along slowly, and we weren't sure if they were going to need to use more medications to speed things up.  She was still at 5cm at 11pm.  Grandma Mary and I were getting pretty tired by then and I went to the family lounge right next door to sleep on the couch they had.  I had just dozed off when Mary came in saying "She's complete!"  Steph pushed like a trooper for about 1.5hrs with a fever reaching 105 deg F.  At 2:38am on 7/24/08, we had a brand new baby.  She is 6#, 9 oz. and 20 in long.

*** 

Our brave little girl...

(my post, written just a few hours before the scariest moment of my life...when she began having seizures and was helicoptered to the nearest NICU hospital)

We've all had a chance to rest a little bit today after a LONG labor and delivery.  My fever - praise the Lord - went down really fast and I was able to sleep for about 2 hours this afternoon.  We had a few visitors this morning, but spent the afternoon resting and enjoying the quiet.  We're about the enjoy some yummy Italian food with my mom and brother, DJ, but I thought I'd give you all a little update on how Valerie is doing.  

After delivery, Valerie had a lot of meconium in her body that had to be pumped out, because she passed some while inside of me.  She also had a fever (because I did) and was given some oxygen to help her out a little after the stressful delivery.  Neither of us were able to hold her right away, because they took her right to the nursery and kept an eye on her.  Once they got her off the oxygen (at about 5:30 this morning) they brought her into our room and I was able to nurse her for a little bit.  Then, the pediatrician came in around 8 and brought her back to the nursery to do a check up.

I noticed when she was in our room that she was breathing fast at times and the doctor was concerned about this, especially since she swallowed so much meconium.  They decided to do some blood work to check her blood count in case of infection and did a chest extra to check her lungs.  Around 10, Ted and I went to the nursery to check on her and the doctor told us she did have a little bit of pneumonia.  They started her right away on some IV meds and put her back on the oxygen.

She was quite upset with all the activity going on, so it was hard for Ted and I to leave the nursery and visit with some of our guests.  We were thankful, though, that she was being taken care of and would be able to get better.

After resting this afternoon, we checked on her again and her oxygen levels were almost at 100%.  They have her in an isolet to keep her warm and give her some oxygen.  Since her levels were doing so well and she was getting quite upset, the nurse let me hold her.  I can't even explain what that did for me.  I was starting to feel a little down about not having her in the room and being able to nurse her, so it was so comforting to hold her and see her look up at me with bright eyes.

She didn't quite calm down for me though, because she was hungry and mad that I couldn't feed her.  So, Ted got to hold her for a while and was able to put her to sleep.

As of an hour or so ago, the pediatrician let us know she will be in the hospital for at least 7 days to keep her on IV meds and completely clear out the pneumonia.  I will probably be discharged Saturday morning, but will be able to stay as a guest until Valerie is discharged later next week.  We're hoping her oxygen levels stay the same and by tomorrow she may be able to come to our room.  

Please keep her in your prayers, but know that God is so good and has kept her in His precious hands throughout this.  We are so proud of how well she is doing and praising God for keeping her safe.

If you would like to visit, we will probably be up to visitors at the earliest by Friday night.  You can call either of our cell phones to find out if it's a good time to visit.  Since I will probably be here until Valerie is discharged, I would certainly love to have visitors throughout the weekend and next week.

We are so thankful for all your prayers, emails, phone calls, and encouragement.  We can't wait to bring her home and let you all enjoy her, but are just taking it one day at a time here.  I am thankful God is in control and know that He will take care of her.

***

To read more of her first couple weeks, check out these posts on my Girl of Grace blog.

Throwback Thursday Stories: Welcoming Our Firstborn

I shared this picture on facebook today and, while most of my friends and family know our story, there are still many who don't understand how that day was both the best and worst day of my life. 

My husband and I arrived at the hospital early for my induction, a decision we had carefully made after she refused to show any signs of entering this world at two weeks overdue.  It was just the beginning of disappointments for me, because I had planned and dreamed of an all natural, intervention free birth...and, in my naive dream world, I imagined her birth day would be nothing but joy filled.

But nothing about her birth story was what I expected.  By mid afternoon, I began to experience horrible back labor and by mid evening I was barely at 5 cm dilated.  My husband practically begged me to agree to some kind of pain medication as I sobbed through each contraction.  I still desperately wanted the birth I had envisioned and I simply felt defeated finally admitting it wasn't going to happen.

I agreed to an epidural and was finally able to rest for a little while, before I woke up shaking uncontrollably.  I was freezing, but my body was burning up.  My teeth wouldn't stop chattering and my head was throbbing.  I had spiked a 105 fever, but I was ready to push.

I don't remember much from then until she was born as fever and exhaustion took over other than the doctor telling me to "push one more time - you're almost there!" over and over for an hour and a half.  Just before the final few pushes, I vaguely remember the doctor's look of concern as her heart rate dropped and I heard him whisper "c-section" to one of the nurses.  That was all it took for me to muster enough energy for those final pushes.

When she was born, she was covered in meconium and I didn't hear her cry.  Nurses rushed to pump out all the fluid and meconium she had swallowed and before I knew it she was whisked away to the nursery when her breathing was still shallow.  This was the only glimpse I had of her until she was almost three hours old...

When she was finally brought to my postpartum room, I noticed her breathing still wasn't quite right, but I was too in awe of her and afraid to say anything that would cause the nurses to take her away again.  I barely got a chance to attempt breastfeeding for the first time before the pediatrician arrived and she was taken back to the nursery.  I knew something was wrong when the pediatrician came to our room without her, but I never imagined the journey we would soon embark on.

It was first thought that she had pneumonia from swallowing so much fluid and meconium.  We began to accept that she would be need a week of IV antibiotics, but would be able to room in with me in an extended stay room.  The first time we went to visit her in the nursery after IV antibiotics were started, I noticed she was very agitated.  The nurses told me I couldn't breastfeed her and I was too naive and exhausted to argue.  As I held her, she stared at me with sad eyes and then became upset when I didn't offer her food for her empty tummy.  The nurse then told us to leave, because our presence and even our voices were too upsetting to her.

I left the nursery nearly in tears, but the tears didn't really come until a few hours later, when we returned to the nursery to say good night before attempting to get some rest.  When we walked in her crib was empty and then I noticed a nurse and a different pediatrician standing over one of the warming tables.  They told me she had started to have seizures and a medical transport helicopter was on the way from a nearby NICU to transfer her there.  I didn't hear anything else she said as I stared at my newborn daughter, whose body was limp except for the tiny twitches from the seizures.  I left the room before the tears came and fell on the floor of my postpartum room in a heap of gut wrenching sobs.

My husband held me and prayed for our newborn daughter and, when the tears finally calmed enough, we called our pastor and then my mom.  The on call OB doctor agreed to discharge me so we could follow our daughter to the NICU hospital and we hurried back to the nursery to hold our daughter while we waited for the NICU team to arrive.  When they arrived, I tearfully handed her over and painfully made my way back to my room to pack.  My husband held my hand and I cried silent tears as we drove to the NICU hospital that night.  We spent the night in the family room of the NICU, my mom curled up on a reclining chair while my husband curled up next to me on the pull out couch and held me as I cried myself to sleep.

The next two weeks were a blur of ups and downs.  When we talk about it now, my husband and I have no idea how we made it through the severe exhaustion and emotional trauma of that time...except for the grace of God, the steadfast prayers of so many, the daily support of my mom who rarely left our sides, and the constant outpouring of love from our families and friends.  As I type these words, it's still hard to explain what those days were really like.  We ran on little sleep and our sole focus was on our tiny princess who had already so wrapped her little fingers around our hearts.  We still don't know exactly what caused her seizures, but, miraculously, we finally brought her home at almost two weeks old...completely healthy. 

Linking up with Jessica of The Mom Creative for her new series on Throwback Thursday Stories.  As hard as it was to write these words, there's something healing in sharing our story. 

Project Life 2012: Weeks 48 - 50

November 25 - December 1



This was an emotionally draining week.  On Monday, I attended the funeral of a friend's newborn son, born the day after Oliver and on Friday, at MOPS, the pastor from Community Church spoke about hope in the midst of grieving as we all tried to process our friend's loss.  My kids, unfortunately, have experienced too many losses in their short life already and understand far more than we give them credit for.  During their play time, I often hear them talking about how great mommy got sick and died and one night, after talking about my friend's sick baby who died, Valerie was in tears.  She had the start of a cold and, as she coughed, she sobbed for daddy and gasped in between sobs, "I not want to die!"  We are grateful for the hope of heaven we are able to talk to our children about, but, still, the hard moments of life are so very hard to grasp, even as adults.  I took few photos this week, but instead stored up memories in my mind of precious moments spent simply living life with our little ones.  So, instead of a photo, I'm sharing a fun little video of our kids, because these are the moments that make the hard ones bearable. 

***

December 2 - 8

This weekend, uncle Eric, aunt Laura, aunt Sarah, and cousin Danny came to visit and meet our Ollie.  Valerie and Almanzo had so much fun playing with cousin Danny, who quickly made himself right at home playing with their toys.  They made it just in time for lunch and then stayed for a couple hours to visit.  Oliver got plenty of cuddles with his aunt Sarah and aunt Laura and Almanzo had fun climbing all over uncle Eric.  We just wish they all lived closer so our visits weren't so few and far between!

The kids and I took a mini vacation this week to visit my sister, Kelly, and help her with Karli while she finished up her last semester of college classes.  The kids were so excited to have a sleep over with aunt Kelly and we loved having the extra time to spend with cousin Karli.  One of the nights we made a quick Target run with all four kids and then drove by the big lit up Christmas tree in the middle of downtown.  The kids were in awe of it.  On the way home from our visit, my mom met us to drop off some St. Nick's Day goodies for the kids.  I love that they still spoil us with little gifts like that. 

***

December 9 - 15

 

We finally put up the Christmas tree this weekend and the kids just love staring at the lights.  We don't really do Santa in our house, because we want to focus on the One who came as a baby lying in a manger.  We decided last year to give our kids three gifts each, just like the three gifts the wise men gave Jesus.  We have a Fisher Price nativity set my parents bought the kids a few years ago and it's so sweet listening to them talk about the baby Jesus.  When we sit down for a family meal, we light our advent wreath and talk about the nativity story.  I just love watching them soak up these truths and hear their hearts for the Lord already.

We spent the rest of the week wrapping gifts, packing for our trip to Michigan for Christmas, and making these fun ornaments.  The kids had so much fun painting the ornaments to give to their aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  It's a good thing I had washable paint, old t-shirts for paint smocks, and disposable table cloths, because they made quite a big mess!

Our week ended with a college graduation party for my sister, Kelly.  I'm so proud of how hard she worked to gracefully balance being both a mommy and student.  She is totally a rock star in my book!  My parents held an open house at their home after the graduation ceremony and we celebrated with a house full of family and friends.